looking through my rear view mirror at paris

Paris. The concept the goal. How do I get there? or is it something to be sought after, obtained. The

 

 journey to feel the satisfaction of arriving. I felt I arrived rather quickly. I immediately felt like I fit

 

in and Paris was the place for me. I was rather enjoying myself; putting myself in new territory,

 

walking through unpaved paths. Pushing past my comfort zone and visioning a life here.

 

 

As time passed in Paris, I continued to work hard and expand my mind. I traveled the city and visited

 

 a few new neighbors. A few I thought were born and raised here as there work was in the vernacular

 

of the city. I aspired to be like them and studied their work.

 

 

 

I acquaintanced many tourists and it remotivated me to be better. I wanted people to look at me and

 

think to themselves how did he do that. I want to be like him. I continued my work and strolling

 

 through the historical streets relishing the small details. Enveloping myself in Paris. But I realized

 

that people were moving out. Residents moved away, tourists didn't even visit anymore. What once

 

was a populous town of excitement and new thrills, changed into a town of a few has beens. The life

 

 had left and Paris became dull. I sold. I packed my bags and moved on occasionally looking through

 

my rear view and wondering what could have been. Paris revealed some personal insight to me, my

 

only regret is not investing more into my property there.

 

Jealous of a blog

Charlotte Charles "ill build me a Paris out of fountain pens and lined paper"
http://notesfromallthepeoplewhousedtolove.blogspot.com/2012/12/ill-build-me-paris-out-of-fountain-pens.html

This blog has always made me jealous and inspire me to write better. It passes the eye test of interesting titles, pictures that make you think, and text that looks interesting and is engaging.

hands

what can you learn about someone from their hands.

from a distance you can see the position and activity of their hands. Are they speaking animated with

hand movements? talking with hands in pockets, folded arms, or playing with their hands?

move in closer. are their knuckles bruised or scabbed? are they a fighter? or do they need to protect

themselves. or maybe they just enjoy the pain.

are they soft hands? maybe this person is nervous and very self conscious. they sweat constantly

thinking about the approval of others. or are they dry and rough. could imply hard working.

or maybe we should just stop talking cause you'll never get to know someone or even care....

Jealousy

Jealousy has
Frightening eyes.
Jealousy has
Grinding teeth.
Jealousy has
A cunning face.

Jealousy can live
Without a mind,
Without a heart,
Without a soul,
Even without God.
Human jealousy
And divine Ecstasy
Are eternal strangers.


Jealousy
Is an aggressive boxer,
A repulsive dancer,
A hopeless singer
And a useless storyteller.

Jealousy,
Before you entered
Into my life,
I was the world's
Richest prince.
Now that you are in me
And I am for you,
I have become
The poorest street-beggar.


Jealousy,
You are my constant
Nightmare-mind.
You are my constant
Love-absence-heart.

Shortest is the distance
From jealousy to hell.
 
Jealousy,
You are your own
Ultimate
Self-destructive-indulgence.

Excerpt from My Jealousy Is My Madness-Burden by Sri Chinmoy.

summary of wild card sea vs wash

Redskins start out red hot and score 2 quick Touchdowns. The running game is goin perfectly RG3 looks injured but is passing efficiently, and they look solid. The Seahawks have no answer. Seahawks get a field goal and its 14-3 Wash. Seahawks score again 14-10. RG3 throws an interception and Seattle kicks a field goal as the first half expires 14-13 Washington.
Seahawks fumble inside the one yard line and Washington recovers. Redskins never score again as seahawks win 24-14

one word

helmet. headset. eyeball. mouth teeth nose nike twelve read option harry otter elder wand resurrection stone horcruxes snake immortal master of death dreads rg3 cousins family belief unthinkable wonderawe thriy blue green Oregon swag throw snap sack hit fumble game over beard contact phone text girls black sympathy pathetic homework attendance school gay sleep nappy boy nap time big arms browner huge arm center sucks lollipops licks flag mustache Mexican cake lava mountain snow powder sunburnt raccoon animals dog

Dialogue

you're prolly gonna wanna skip this blog post and just read the 'how soon is to soon' the previous one i wrote.

Boy: whaddup wanna get some food?

girl: sure im hungry!

Boy: lets hit up... beto's?

girl: eww like totally over 1000 calories... how about zupas? :)

boy: uhm... sure...

girl: you drive:)

Meanwhile... crappy car drive because boy is thinking about soup and salad.

girl: yum I love tomato basil

Boy: same.

girl: why you so angry?

Boy: im not, soups good.

Girl: you seem upset...

boy: nothings wrong... really.

girl: ok! this sure is good :)

boy: Yup!....(eye roll)

how soon is too soon

When is it ok to get together with someone who just got out of a relationship?
well here are the guidelines.
*DISCLAIMER* every situation needs its own approach and should be treated delicately. these are the absolute bare bones guidelines, and are geared toward the malesss...

Situation 1 (least complicated)

New girl you have just met for the first time and she just got out of a relationship with a guy you don't know. It's go time. You come on carefully. Read it out. if she's not interested back off entirely. if she's mixed signals, go in slowly and don't be pushy. If she's going for you, all bets off no time period just go for it.

Equation: signals + body language = answer

Situation 2 ( more complicated)

you know the girl already but don't know the guy. so this is how it works. you give yourself a rating of 1,2, or 3. a 1 is the best. she is coming on to you and all is looking ok. 2 is she shows interest but still a little hesitation. A 3 is slightly interested, occasional flirting but more of friends. And a 4 you should be reading the friend zoned article.
So after your rating, you plug it into this equation (Her previous relationship length) * (your number)/6= time until its ok to get in a relationship with her.
for example if she was in a relationship for six months, and you gave yourself a rating of 2 the equation would be (6 months)*2/6=1 month.

Equation: (Her previous relationship length) * (your number)/6= time until its ok to get in a relationship with her.

Situation 3 (most complicated)

its your homie's girl. bro code. in this case you probably should not go after her at all. Especially if it is your close friend. I do not recommend persuing her, but if you must here goes.

Get approval from your friend if you still want to be friends. not just an ok ya whatever, make sure its sincere. an approval is a 1. a non approval is 100 and a partial approval is a 2. Then you rate yourself again but this time the lowest is a 2, then it goes 3 and 4. after deciding your rating here's the equation.

|approval of homie|*(previous relationship length) * (rating)/5=time until its ok to get with her

please note these are serious equations that I have spent years researching along with my fellow colleagues at Harvard.

Best of Luck

Lonely Chairs

#LonelyChairs #growingup :(

grand theft auto

all these lines were stolen randomly from random books. 

They lost again. 

my face is hot, my heart pounds

so loud i can feel it vibrating through my bones.

its like we knew it wasnt done.

can i fly away from this mistake? 

suave as hell,

just as flowing water avoids the heights and hastens to the lowlands?

whos the boss? me.

decide to consciously want less

because agency enhances the power of consequence.

if scientists have no theories,

leap forward in terror

because of the 5 elements, none is always predominant, of the 4 seasons, none last forever.

I've never distinguished it in my life,

nothing but blackness and scuffling,

yet here was a mystery. 

thats the lesson you learn

steal like an artist

These are my favorite lines from last weeks blogs congrats if your line is among the few.

I remember bionicles and sonic the hedgehog
I remember Pokemon
I remember seeing my first bad grade and being scared to show my parents
I remember the new year 2000, and wondering what the big deal was
I remember feeling important
I keep the facade simple. Smart, but not a genius. Creative, but not insane. Pretty, but not gorgeous. Alive, but not living.
I fall in love at least once a week
Yeah, it's taking me a lot longer to make it around the sun. But I'm enjoying every step of the way. 
It seemed as though you had already experienced the World, and I was still standing on my front door step.I remember my first kiss and how gross it was
I remember my wet pillow, because there was no shoulder for me to cry on.

Forreals this is all of us?

What happened?

Why is everything about image. We spend sooo much time making ourselves look and feel good, when actually NO ONE cares about anyone else's image. There are two perspectives. I'm better than their image or I wish I was like them, jealous. 

Why do I care about what everyone thinks of me? Because I do. I'm self conscious. I want you to think that I am valuable. When you see me, I want you to think that second perspective. That you wish you were like me, or at least wanted some aspects of me. 

Oh you don't dress up to school? You say I wear sweats and hoodies everyday because i'm too lazy to wake up? i'm too cool? (nothing wrong with hoodies and sweats, they are my favorite clothes) well maybe I wear sweats because i'm scared. I'm scared that when I try to look good, it won't be enough for my image. I'm scared that when you see me you'll think thats it? thats your best? I'm scared of saying I tried my best. I'm scared that you won't like me, or approve. I'm scared of your judgements. They hurt. 

I want to be real. I don't want to be fake, an imposter. I want you to like me for who I am. Is that too much too ask? well it starts with me and you acting ourselves. taking off our masks. being who we are. care less about others thoughts. be selfish. care about you, do you. 

But, it's human nature. we want to be better than others. Our minds make judgements. We categorize, we look for flaws in those 'lesser' than us, and make the ones above us idols. Then we act to fit the norm or whatever you want to be.... guess we will be forever fake 

damn indies.... 

I remember

I remember when the sun went down at ten. I remember when I would cry because I had to go to sleep. Now I pray and beg for five more minutes. I remember racing up stairs, because I had all the energy in the world. I remember thinking I would be the perfect teenager. I remember thinking I would be the best son. I remember imagining what I would look like at 18.

I remember dreaming about playing at Rice-Ecles Stadium

I remember playing at recess. I remember we're a package deal. I remember new captains but same teams every lunch. I remember when I liked school. I remember when kids were nice. I remember being the friendly one. I remember being the favorite. I don't remember when I changed. What happened to me?

Life & Love

Life is fragile.
life is so delicate.
a simple slip in decision making could be the end.
My cousin. i knew had some problems but had no idea how serious it was.
I get a phone call from my aunt and find out she is gone. gone away forever.
simple as that.
dust in the wind.
taking your life doesn't only effect you. it affects everyone who knows you.
especially your family.
is it selfish to? I think so. but maybe... never mind...
through all of this there is a subtle, sad, but beautiful revelation I received.
Life is fragile
Love you ***** *

breaking bad

I am watching a new show on netflix.
its called breaking bad.
its about this middle aged chemistry teacher who has cancer.
he cannot afford to pay for treatment.
so he goes to making crystal meth and selling it.
he then gets more and more into it and making more money.
so ya he becomes a major drug lord and thats about it.
so  thats it.
good show
k bye

duct tape

Duct tape....
what an interesting subject... NOT. a post titled to write about non interesting things.
Duct tape can pick up the dust off my dirty shoes. I can now walk with clean soled shoes only to get them dirty again.
Duct tape can patch a hole in my shirt but it can't put my shattered skull back together... or could it?
Duct tape can hang pictures up on the wall. Snapshots that I have for my friends and family to see to change the demeanor of my room.
Duct tape can fix a leak in a cup. But eventually the liquid will slip through the crevice and the momentary fix will have become worthless. As most apologies.
Duct tape can take the knife out of my back though... I guess.

I'm actually a happy person but it seems dark or depressing writing looks good. We all think so.
yay duct tape...
I'm out

Morphine for the soul

Is it just me? Or does anyone else enjoy the pain. Not the pain from a heart attack or shattered bones. I'm talking about from broken hearts and shattered dreams. The pain that starts from your core and reaches out to your extremities. It hurts. but... it feels... good.

When you break up but don't want it to end. you know there is more, but it just wont work out.
After all your preparation and hard work, you go in confident and you fail.
the disappointments. anguish and sorrow. it hurts. but... I like it. makes me feel. It lets me know I'm real.

The pain when you've given it all you got but you're just not adequate.
When you cry yourself to sleep and wake up exhausted. Go back to sleep...
Leaning against the wall in the shower, pondering, letting water run down your skin trying to warm your frozen heart.

I tell myself to not be depressed but I've become addicted to this pain. It has made me a negative person. I look for the worst and  expect it to happen.

When too many positives happen, am I having withdrawals? I relapse and enjoy the pain.
mmmm... ahhh..... peace

Direct Order to kill

I have been given a direct order to kill my best friend to save ten peoples lives that I have never met before.
My friend... my companion, my buddy...
Whats morally correct? Is it better to murder your mate in the hopes that you save ten random meaningless (to you) lives? or do you not kill your friend knowing that ten people just were assassinated? Is murdering someone in the name of saving ten others ok? or is it better to keep your hands clean but know that ten others died because of your decision?

Comment with what you would do with that direct order.
I would choose to not kill my friend

oh... one of THOSE posts

George makes a million dollars a year, owns his company, works 60 hours a week, and is single.
Fred gets 20,000 a year, works 20 hours a week, has a family, and is an entry level employee
They both want membership into an association that provides services they both desire.
Should George be required to pay the 2,000 a year for both of them?
Well I'm guessing you said no... its obvious right?

Yet in today's society george is required to pay 40% of his income to receive the same level of service, whether desired or undesired while Fred pays 0 dollars a year for the same services if not more. Is that interesting or is it just me?

yes I'm talking about taxes... 

Now I am not saying taxes are a waste and unethical necessarily, but I am just trying to bring up a point of view. 
Any hotheads out there feel free comment. Especially if you said George should pay for Fred's membership!  They'd be much appreciated.

Date with Destiny

Do we actually have control over our lives?

I don't really have an opinion either way. I actually believe I control myself, but I like to contemplate and consider these ideas.

Scientific point of view 

Our parents create us with their genes and DNA. We are born with genes, DNA and a brain that we did not choose, but it defines us. We are raised by two parents in an environment of their choosing. They choose what to feed, expose, and teach. At a young age we learn by example. Blindly following our parents, friends and elders actions. Our personality is not our choice. We have to be the way we are. If you choose to change that is your personality thus you are the same. The voice in our head speaks its mind. But what influences that voice? Is it our genetics? Our environment? experiences? Probably a combination of all three. Do genetics have everything to do with us. Are we biologically programmed to think a certain way? Can every action be traced back to genetics? 

Religious

First off no one get mad. Actually I don't care, call me out. Except for you Nelson. No rude comments from you please. I'm just expressing some thoughts I have had. Doesn't necessarily mean I believe in them. 

Well this one to me is a bit easier to explain. So God knows everything that has happened and that will ever happen correct? Well if he does he knows all of our actions that we will ever make. If he already knows what we're going to do, how do we have a choice? 

Also this kind of goes with the scientific point of view but God created man, and me individually. He made my mind and body. He made me how I am; my personality, strengths, weaknesses, everything! He also put me into a certain family and environment. All of my being was decided without my consent! 

Maybe this makes no sense in words but in my head its a finished crossword puzzle.

Byeee