Lonely Chairs

#LonelyChairs #growingup :(

grand theft auto

all these lines were stolen randomly from random books. 

They lost again. 

my face is hot, my heart pounds

so loud i can feel it vibrating through my bones.

its like we knew it wasnt done.

can i fly away from this mistake? 

suave as hell,

just as flowing water avoids the heights and hastens to the lowlands?

whos the boss? me.

decide to consciously want less

because agency enhances the power of consequence.

if scientists have no theories,

leap forward in terror

because of the 5 elements, none is always predominant, of the 4 seasons, none last forever.

I've never distinguished it in my life,

nothing but blackness and scuffling,

yet here was a mystery. 

thats the lesson you learn

steal like an artist

These are my favorite lines from last weeks blogs congrats if your line is among the few.

I remember bionicles and sonic the hedgehog
I remember Pokemon
I remember seeing my first bad grade and being scared to show my parents
I remember the new year 2000, and wondering what the big deal was
I remember feeling important
I keep the facade simple. Smart, but not a genius. Creative, but not insane. Pretty, but not gorgeous. Alive, but not living.
I fall in love at least once a week
Yeah, it's taking me a lot longer to make it around the sun. But I'm enjoying every step of the way. 
It seemed as though you had already experienced the World, and I was still standing on my front door step.I remember my first kiss and how gross it was
I remember my wet pillow, because there was no shoulder for me to cry on.

Forreals this is all of us?

What happened?

Why is everything about image. We spend sooo much time making ourselves look and feel good, when actually NO ONE cares about anyone else's image. There are two perspectives. I'm better than their image or I wish I was like them, jealous. 

Why do I care about what everyone thinks of me? Because I do. I'm self conscious. I want you to think that I am valuable. When you see me, I want you to think that second perspective. That you wish you were like me, or at least wanted some aspects of me. 

Oh you don't dress up to school? You say I wear sweats and hoodies everyday because i'm too lazy to wake up? i'm too cool? (nothing wrong with hoodies and sweats, they are my favorite clothes) well maybe I wear sweats because i'm scared. I'm scared that when I try to look good, it won't be enough for my image. I'm scared that when you see me you'll think thats it? thats your best? I'm scared of saying I tried my best. I'm scared that you won't like me, or approve. I'm scared of your judgements. They hurt. 

I want to be real. I don't want to be fake, an imposter. I want you to like me for who I am. Is that too much too ask? well it starts with me and you acting ourselves. taking off our masks. being who we are. care less about others thoughts. be selfish. care about you, do you. 

But, it's human nature. we want to be better than others. Our minds make judgements. We categorize, we look for flaws in those 'lesser' than us, and make the ones above us idols. Then we act to fit the norm or whatever you want to be.... guess we will be forever fake 

damn indies.... 

I remember

I remember when the sun went down at ten. I remember when I would cry because I had to go to sleep. Now I pray and beg for five more minutes. I remember racing up stairs, because I had all the energy in the world. I remember thinking I would be the perfect teenager. I remember thinking I would be the best son. I remember imagining what I would look like at 18.

I remember dreaming about playing at Rice-Ecles Stadium

I remember playing at recess. I remember we're a package deal. I remember new captains but same teams every lunch. I remember when I liked school. I remember when kids were nice. I remember being the friendly one. I remember being the favorite. I don't remember when I changed. What happened to me?